This movie is that the worst thing I even have ever seen. It’s awful, but quite that, it’s not even amusingly awful. In another entry on this list, I suggested that one among the simplest episodes of television was the MST3K of Manos, the Hands of Fate, because Manos may be a painfully bad movie on every level. Manos is bad, but a minimum of Manos is bad in a stimulating way. This wasn’t. This was both poorly made and profoundly boring.
I’d say this was an effort at an art film, but it’s not even that. This comes off more as some middle-schooler who wrote a Hot Topic Fan Fiction and apparently found someone to fund it. There’s leather, some nudity, a man with an axe, muted colors (and sadly non-muted audio), and random glamour shots of the cast. It’s got all of the weather of a soft-core porn but without the standard and dedication that Cinemax demands at 3 AM.
I started the movie off by having a couple of drinks. Then, during the film, I had more.
The most important problem with the movie is that there isn’t anything happening during the bulk of it. It’s just spinning shots of characters standing in woods and fields and beaches. a number of it’s in black and white, but they mute the colors of the film such a lot it’s hard to inform when the switch happens.
Here’s the IMDB description of the movie: I’d say that the entire number of lines during this film, discounting repeats, comes in at about 28. In 90 minutes. And people 28 lines aren’t good. My assumption is that the script was written by two people taking LSD at a show for a mid-price Anthrax cover band.
The movie is usually a sequence of poorly choreographed fight scenes between the most character, Undead Guy, and a few random people to avenge something vague. And once I say poorly choreographed, I mean that these people appear as if when 8-year-olds play “swords” with sticks. During one among the fight scenes, they re-use an equivalent shot 4 times, and that they take an opportunity during the fight.
The best a part of the movie, though, is that the credits, not only because they signified that the movie was over, but because the names were more interesting than the film. The camera tilts for a couple of seconds, and you’ll hear a soft “aaaah” that seems like you found just the proper spot for testicular satisfaction. That was probably the sole moment where I felt someone within the shoot may need done something worthwhile.
Everything during this movie is bad. I even have seen student films better than this. Hell, I’ve been in student films better than this. I can’t even be that angry at the movie, it’d be like punching a gaggle of toddlers for bad artwork. Clearly nobody involved during this movie had any experience in any way. I’d love for RiffTrax to ascertain this film, but I honestly don’t know what would happen. Most of the movie is simply too boring to even riff on. Watching it doesn’t even desire an experience, it just seems like a void in my life.